I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
