i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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