Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
