Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
