She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
