It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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