So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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