Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
