why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
