You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
