My hand turned me down
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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