I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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