I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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