I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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