come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
