FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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