I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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