I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
