His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
