I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
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