and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
So apparently I’m into choking now
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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