and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
