Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
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