Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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