I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
