Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
