After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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