Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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