the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
