Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
