I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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