We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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