i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Randomize
