Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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