I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Randomize
