Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
