I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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