And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
