Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Randomize
