I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
If that was your dad, he is hot
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
