I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
