I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
