Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Randomize
