also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
