clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
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