I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
