Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Randomize
