You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
