had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
