I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
