I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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